Category Archives: arts and entertainment

No better way to spend the next 4 minutes

Pet Shop Boys Liberation

And why stop there?

Pet Shop Boys Yesterday When I was Mad – The setting is appropriate.

Pet Shop Boys Can You Forgive Her? – They might be asking the wrong question.

Pet Shop Boys Go West – By now this should all be looking perfectly normal to you.

Pet Shop Boys I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind of Thing – Watch for a Mortal Kombat segment in the middle!

I’m writing the screenplay for a Park Chan-wook film

I’m writing the screenplay for a Park Chan-wook film. The name of the film will be Sympathy for Korean Audiences. Here’s what I got so far.


A man and a woman side by side are staring directly ahead at the camera. Their faces are without expression. Hold the shot for a full minute.

With the camera farther away, show the man and woman sitting on a bench. Hold the shot for a full minute.

The woman turns slowly to the man. She says, “Just one. It’s what you said, right?” (or some such line which explains nothing) The man does not reply.

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Let’s go on to a game called “Narrate”

Just some pics on my hard drive

Some cute, some creepy. (click to enlarge)

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Dr. Strangelove

One of the benefits of age is that you know what the good movies are and can pass on your wisdom to the younger generation, which includes me.

Dr. Strangelove or : How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb was my type of film. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this film? Do you think I have the time and eyepower to sift through the acres of grubby dunghills Hollywood excretes to find nuggets like these? No! That’s your job.

Don’t give me the excuse that it has a popular ranking of blah blah blah on some film website blah blah blah. I may lack wisdom and experience, but if experience has granted me any wisdom, it is that popular rankings on film websites are as likely as not to turn up false positives. (That I downloaded and sat all the way through the high-ranking tour de tedium American Beauty without receiving any monetary compensation from the people who made it goes down as one of my life’s greatest regrets)

If anyone else out there who calls himself a friend is withholding movie recommendations, let’s have them out.

peter sellers pic

A fun fact about how this hamburger was made:

George C. Scott had some really difficult experiences with the director. George was headstrong by nature. It is what fueled his particular talent. Stanley was very much the same kind of man.The irresistible force met the immovable object when Stanley asked George to do over-the-top performances of his lines. He said it would help George to warm up for his satiric takes. George hated this idea. He said it was unprofessional and made him feel silly. George eventually agreed to do his scenes over-the-top when Stanley promised that his performance would never be seen by anyone but himself and the cast and crew. But Kubrick ultimately used many of these “warm-ups” in the final cut. George felt used and manipulated by Stanley and swore he would never work with him again.

Willingness to throw out traditional standards of ethics for the sake of the art is a sure sign of genius.

Malice Mizer

Wishes you “Happy New Year” in their own special way.

Now I find the following ‘interpretation’ totally hilarious, although that could be because I’m familiar with the song and know what he’s actually saying–which doesn’t matter any more. From now on I’ll never be able to hear anything but “bean sprout”.

Christmas movie plots

It’s time for Hollywood to get jealous that an ordinary doof like myself came up with these and doesn’t intend to share them, at least not for free:

The Santa Connection

Comedy. A secret agent must disguise himself as Santa and win over the kids in a suburban home in order to diffuse a bomb and foil terrorists. A typical gag will be how he tries to keep the kids from hurting themselves with laser-emitting candy cane gadgets they playfully pull from his bag. Robin Williams will be the secret agent.

Jesus Project X

Action. Having unraveled the science behind the miracles performed by Jesus, scientists develop a device that can heal blindness, deafness, and leprosy. But a certain dark organization calling themselves ‘The Pharisees” steals the device and kidnaps the chief scientist. It’s up to a single retired law enforcement officer to solve the mystery. Not sure yet who I want to star in this, but I think I want him to be black.

It Happened Beneath the Mistletoe

Romance. It will star Sandra Bullock and it will last a full two hours, which will be two hours longer than most male viewers will like. Since they’ll all be coerced into watching with their girlfriends I’m not worried in the slightest that profits might not outstrip production costs.

The Wreath

Horror. Teenagers pass around a Christmas music box with a curse–anyone who listens to the music box will die in exactly 12 days of Christmas.

Disney’s The Last Reindeer

Animation. It will totally suck compared to Bambi (and that’s compared to Bambi!), but nobody can remember Bambi so I’m sure it will do just fine.

While Shepherds Watch

A crime murder drama thing or something. Haven’t worked out more than that but I’m sure it will be a box office smash if I can just get the right cast.

The Nutcracker

No idea what happens in this one, but I want Eddie Murphy to star in it.

Well that should be enough to get Hollywood lapping at my tail. They may beg me, bribe me, intimidate me, conspire not to nominate me for Oscars, but I won’t let them have these gems. NEVER! Ohohohoho!