Not happy with the debates

Enough about health care, energy reform, the economy, and issues that affect honest hard-working Americans. With many nations outside America intact and their lands yet uninvaded, I think most of us would agree that it is important to have a president who isn’t afraid to slam his palm on the red button, pull the red trigger, yank forcefully the red lever. I want a president who is capable of laughing with maniacal glee, and who uses the phrase “into the stone age” frequently. I want to see more attention given to assessing a candidate’s bombliness (not to be confused with bombability).

Moderators of debates need to quit asking the softball questions and instead put forth ones like these:

– There are many kinds of bombs out there, smart bombs, dumb bombs, H-bombs, A-bombs, F-bombs. Which is your favorite? (a smart candidate will like smart bombs)

– I’m going to list some countries. Please arrange them in the order in which you would favor seeing them turned into glass. Iran. Iraq. Pakistan. Mexico. Canada. France.

– Which of the following persons best exemplifies your ideals as a commander-in-chief? A. George Washington B. Abraham Lincoln C. Enola Gay

(Extra credit on any of the questions if the candidate works into his answer the phrase “into the stone age”)

Another thing that might be useful, or at least fun to watch, would be to set up the debate so that there is a lever built into the podium of each candidate which he is free to operate. When pulled it releases a mechanism that drops onto the other candidates…well, maybe not REAL bombs, but something unpleasant. Dishwater. Cow dung. Half-dead spiders. Something like that. The candidate looking the cleanest at the end of the night is probably our guy.

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8 responses to “Not happy with the debates

  1. Ooooh…tough call between Pakistan and France… šŸ˜‰

  2. It’s hard, I know. I guess we could take them both on at once. We’re that awesome.

  3. How about if the lever in the debate drops that green slimey gunk that used to present in all the Nikolodeon shows. (Not sure if it’s still there, my kids grew up and I don’t get to watch Nik any more).

  4. That’d work, Randy.

    The thought occurred that since America is the example of democracy for the rest of the world, there’s a chance (one can hope) that other nation states will follow our lead in this regard. We might export the green slimey gunk along with democracy as part of a special package.

  5. I have no idea what this post is about.

    Debates? What debates?

  6. Oh yeah, I forgot that the meaning of the word has changed.

  7. Oh man, reading this post made me laugh!

  8. Hmm…what about bombing Chuck Schumer? I’d take him over Fwance (now that Zarkosy is there).

    I still can’t find his weiner http://anti-contrarian.blogspot.com/2007/04/will-somebody-please-find-chuckys.html

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