David Petraeus, chickenhawk extraordinaire

David Petraeus, commanding general of multi-national forces in Iraq said on the Hugh Hewitt show yesterday that “there has been considerable progress” against Al-qaeda. (As if someone in his position would know!) This statement by Petraeus, who we now know to have been a Bush plant, flies contrary to the established wisdom we already have from senator Harry Reid, who was able to definitively declare the surge a failure even before it had begun. (pretty impressive, eh?)

Petraeus qualified his statement, as he tends to qualify his statements, by noting the difficulties that remain, the challenges yet to be overcome, that it is “too soon to tell” this or that. Too soon to tell? Ha! Then how exactly do you explain the revelations, divinations, and crystal ball soothsayings of Harry Reid, Mister Petraeus? Heh? Got an answer for that? Didn’t think so.

What is wrong with our uniformed baby-killers these days?? Why are they not listening to our congressman at home to know what is sort of maybe possibly take-a-wild-guessly happening on the ground in Iraq? If our generals won’t listen to our politicians, especially those politicians in the Democrat party, there is no way we are going to lose this war as quickly as we deserve to.

It gets worse. Petraeus, whose name sounds a bit like the word “petroleum”–hmmmm, ever notice that?, went on to carry water for the Bush administration and positive-minded Americans everywhere by saying “I think everybody is very determined to try to do the very best that we can to accomplish this mission.” Arggggh. It just makes one want to bury one’s face in one’s hands to watch this pointless war edge on and on ever closer to victory when all along we possess the power to throw in the sponge at any time, thus making our sacrifices all for naught at the reasonable trade-off of getting more Democrat politicians seats in office come election time.

You should all be good at this by now, but allow me to translate more spin coming from our esteemed commanding murderer for those who may be new.

  • “We have achieved what we believe is a reasonable degree of tactical momentum on the ground.”

Translation: We killed more babies this month than the month before.

  • “We have an enormous responsibility because of course we did liberate this country.”

Translation: There is still some oil left in the ground and we need to finish plundering it if we can.

  • “Our leaders and our troopers ‘get it’ about what it is we are trying to accomplish here in a way that certainly was not the case at the outset or perhaps even a year or two into this endeavor.”

Translation: Our leaders and troopers are now required to take mandatory courses on Big Oil industry profit maximization, and to own stock in Halliburton.

This tears it. I say it’s high time we

*** IMPEACH PETRAEUS!!!!!!! ***

Impeach that Bush-licking goose-stepper and put Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi in his place. Either one of those two would do a far more admirable job of losing this war in an efficient, timely manner than Petraeus ever could.

Fellow citizens of the Divides States of Bu$hmeriKa, I urge you to join me in calling for the impeachment of General Petraeus!

And let’s also impeach Hugh Hewitt while we’re at it!

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5 responses to “David Petraeus, chickenhawk extraordinaire

  1. Den,
    You need to find some icon to put into your posts to indicate when you’re being sarcastic. Sometimes I get half way through (and my blood pressure goes way up) before I decide you’re being satirical. At least I hope so…

  2. Maybe you’re right, Randy. I probably do need an icon to indicate when I’m being satirical. Either that or an icon to indicate when I’m being dead-serious. Maybe a little avatar of a dead Iraqi civilian would fit the bill. Of course I would mean the kind that is dead because of US military “collateral damage”, not the (far more numerous) kind that is dead because of decades of oppression under Saddam. Like all good war-hating conservative-hating America-hating progressive types, I’m trying real hard not to think about the latter.

  3. Hydralisk, I agree with all the wonderful points you succinctly and powerfully make in this provocative post.

    Perhaps, with the power of our two formidable blogs combined, we can create two online petitions. One demanding the impeachment of David Petraeus, “chickenhawk extraordinaire”, and another, demanding the impeachment of Hugh Hewitt, Bush shrill extraordinaire. Never underestimate the power of online petitions sponsored by two formidable blogs.

  4. Amen, ortho. Blogs brought down Dan Rather (or something did). It is time blogs be made to serve the purpose they were destined for–to cripple Republican war efforts, and to silence voices that ought not be heard. The more I think about it, that irksome Hugh Hewitt really needs to be muzzled. Let’s impeach him first!

  5. Pingback: Better slime selection « Den of Hydralisks

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