All I really needed to know I learned from playing Starcraft

Michael Shermer wrote that “ever since Skeptic magazine published an investigative article on the 9/11 ‘Truth Movement’ and analyzed their claims, which were found wanting, I have been hounded by the so-called 9/11 ‘truthers’ because I am the editor of the magazine and therefore am suppose to be a ’skeptic’ of the official explanation for 9/11.” Thereafter, it became difficult for Shermer to give a lecture anywhere on any subject without a truther present in the audience to stand up and press him with uncomfortable questions. When he reported this at his website, truthers emerged from the four corners of the Internet to argue in the skeptics’ home court.

Truthers come out forcefully in large numbers in the least expected places, as you can witness for yourself by browsing the comments on any Youtube video remotely related to the topic. Their efforts have not been entirely unsuccessful. A poll indicated that over a third of Americans believe it likely that the government either allowed to happen or carried out themselves the attacks of 9/11. (Naturally, the number goes up when you leave the States; a majority in India do not believe that al Qaeda was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Bin laden is very furious about this)

I admire the tactics of truthers. They are the same tactics which countless hours playing the Starcraft Zerg–hours which I would not trade for all the ice cream in the world–have burned into my warfaring soul.

What the Truth Movement, the Zerg race, the ancient Persians, Carl von Clausewitz, the commanders on both sides of the Battle of Stalingrad, and Eric Shinseki have all understood is that victory on the battlefield–as well as truth and right–is decided not by quality but by quantity of attack. The greater the number of troops, the more annoying, the faster you can produce them, the better. Also, I believe Clausewitz included in his famous treatise a chapter on the importance of spawning enough Overlords <- Yes, do click that.

Just some pics on my hard drive

Some cute, some creepy. (click to enlarge)

From the mailbag (kind of)

On the seldom occasion when I receive email from a reader asking “Dear Hydralisk, with all the human rights abuses going on in the world, what can I, an ordinary underwear-ing citizen do to help?” (it hasn’t happened yet, but that counts as seldom, doesn’t it?) I of course refer them to Panties for Peace.

Our act of delivering our underwear to the Burmese foreign missions across the globe is of immense importance and symbolic in protest of Myanmar junta’s violent crackdown of monks-led rallies in Yangon last month, and to oust the generals ruling the country from power…

One of the main reasons for which we are encouraging people to send out their panties to Burma’s foreign missions is because the generals ruling Myanmar are superstitious and they believe that touching panties or the traditional women’s outfit sarong will eliminate their powers…

Will you be my friend? Tackling the problem of (un)popularity

Friends. Everyone needs them. No one understands our need for friends more than the people who we need as friends, as one former US ambassador explains.

You wrote a commentary in Britain’s Guardian newspaper in which you suggested that Europeans and the rest of the world should let the Americans know who they want for US president. Can world public opinion and the global media really influence the US elections?

They have already influenced the elections very strongly, by voicing concern over the way the [Bush administration] has conducted itself in the past eight years. You look at all the polls. America’s standing in the world had never ever been so low. These figures have registered everywhere in the United States. I hear this again and again from Americans — “our standing in the world is so low” — and that in turn has influenced American public opinion of the Bush administration’s policies.

Kornblum grasps what many of his fellow Yankees are perhaps just beginning to–that the right to elect a President of the United States ought to be, along with freedom of speech, free medical care, and habeas corpus, a universal right for all citizens of the world.

But are we acting too late? Can we regain the trust of the world by correcting this one injustice, or is a more extreme measure required lest our image becomes unsalvageable? The percentage of people around the world who view American influence favorably has risen slightly above the percentage who view North Korea favorably, but has not surpassed an abyssmal 35%. With numbers like that, Pig-pen better chances of being invited to the ball.

Back when world opinion polls revealed that China is more popular than the United States, I fear we may have missed a golden opportunity…to become like China. Granted, our inexperience in central economic planning, our abnormal distaste of government persecution of religion, our reluctance to engage in activities like harvesting organs from unwilling subjects, and our total lack of imagination in the area of law enforcement are obstacles that would have to be overcome, but I am sure that with a positive “can-do” attitude that America is supposed to be famous for, we could adapt. At any rate, I think it is accurate to say that the United States would have an easier time adapting to Chinese-style rule of law than Iraq is having adapting to Western-style democracy.

There is another option I have not seen discussed, and it seems glaringly obvious once you think of it. A certain geographically close neighbor exists, the citizens of which hold a continually sinking opinion of the United States, and who can be assumed to be winning many friends, lovers, acquaintances, invitations to balls, etc. Yes, I’m speaking of Canada.

Should the United States apply to become a province of Canada?

It’s a hard question for many Americans to consider. I think we would find on balance many advantages of such an arrangement. Most importantly, world opinion of the United States, not to mention Canadian opinion of the United States, would surely improve by leaps and bounds. The idea is worth examination.

Gotta cram for this

…37% , doh.

37% is not gonna cut it. A 37% is yourself lying face up on the ground with most of your face missing, two hours into the first day.

Will retry until I can get at least a 68%. A 68% is barely getting the car to start as the glass of the driver’s seat window shatters, giving way to a half-decayed groping hand, which you frantically lop off with a rusty hacksaw. Steering with your other hand, you bang your way past other cars stalled on the road, trying your best to ignore the screams coming from within, swerve once abruptly to shake off a putrid body that was still clinging onto the hood, and make for the main road towards the nearest gas station. You may or may not still be breathing when dawn breaks, but you know you’ve got a fighting chance.

Sam Harris claims God’s all-powerful powers for himself

Consider the second commandment “Thou shalt not erect any graven images”. Is this really the second most important thing upon which to admonish all future generations of human beings? Is this as good as it gets ethically and spiritually? ….

The truth is that almost any precept we would put in place of the second commandment would improve the wisdom of the Bible. How about “Don’t mistreat children”? How about “Don’t pretend to know things you do not know”? Or what about just “Try not to deep fry all of your food”? Could we live with the resulting proliferation of graven images?

Ah but Sam, you miss the point. The second commandment was inscribed in stone by the divine finger of God Almighty! You CAN’T change it, so that defeats your whole argument!

Dr. Strangelove

One of the benefits of age is that you know what the good movies are and can pass on your wisdom to the younger generation, which includes me.

Dr. Strangelove or : How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb was my type of film. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this film? Do you think I have the time and eyepower to sift through the acres of grubby dunghills Hollywood excretes to find nuggets like these? No! That’s your job.

Don’t give me the excuse that it has a popular ranking of blah blah blah on some film website blah blah blah. I may lack wisdom and experience, but if experience has granted me any wisdom, it is that popular rankings on film websites are as likely as not to turn up false positives. (That I downloaded and sat all the way through the high-ranking tour de tedium American Beauty without receiving any monetary compensation from the people who made it goes down as one of my life’s greatest regrets)

If anyone else out there who calls himself a friend is withholding movie recommendations, let’s have them out.

A fun fact about how this hamburger was made:

George C. Scott had some really difficult experiences with the director. George was headstrong by nature. It is what fueled his particular talent. Stanley was very much the same kind of man.The irresistible force met the immovable object when Stanley asked George to do over-the-top performances of his lines. He said it would help George to warm up for his satiric takes. George hated this idea. He said it was unprofessional and made him feel silly. George eventually agreed to do his scenes over-the-top when Stanley promised that his performance would never be seen by anyone but himself and the cast and crew. But Kubrick ultimately used many of these “warm-ups” in the final cut. George felt used and manipulated by Stanley and swore he would never work with him again.

Willingness to throw out traditional standards of ethics for the sake of the art is a sure sign of genius.

Trolley dilemmas Part 2

A number of variations to the trolley problem exist, but they are all trivially easy.

“What happens if, on one of the trolley tracks, the President of the United States has been tied by terrorists, and on the other trolley tracks, five average citizens are also tied up. As in the original trolley problem, who should you save?”

Depends on if she’s Democrat or Republican.

“What if the trolley is headed towards five average people you’ve never met but on the other tracks is your mother?” “Do you flip the switch and save five or save your mother?”

Same as above.

“What happens if, on the tracks of one trolley, five men guilty of murder are tied, and on the other, one man is innocent. Should you choose to save the one man, simply because he has committed no crime?”

Depends on if the criminals are registered to vote Democrat or Republican.

These aren’t challenging at all, are they? Let’s mix it up a bit.

Michael Moore & the trolley

You are late for the trolley that takes you to work every day when you spot Michael Moore sitting on the edge of the bridge eating a triple-decker sandwich. If you were to push him off the bridge he would delay the trolley, allowing you to make it to work on time, but the sandwich would probably be lost. What should you do?

Dick Cheney & the trolley

You are Dick Cheney and you are out hunting when you catch sight of a runaway trolley hurtling down a track towards five al-Qaeda suspects. The path of the trolley is about to be diverted, however, by a mainstream news journalist who sympathizes with terrorists. When the journalist flips a switch, the lives of the five al-Qaeda suspects will be saved and the trolley will instead run over a poodle. You have a clear shot at the journalist. There is only your hunting companion, a 78-year-old attorney, standing in the line of fire. In order to shoot the journalist you must fire a shot through the attorney as well. What should you do?

Dick Cheney, his lesbian daughter & the trolley

You are Dick Cheney and your daughter is a lesbian. Other than this extra complication, the scenario is the same as the above. What should you do?

Brother Joseph, Brother Brigham & the trolley

Brother Joseph and Brother Brigham are riding in a stagecoach when they spot a runaway trolley hurtling down a track towards five Sisters not married to Brother Joseph or Brother Brigham. Brother Joseph has 30 wives. Brother Brigham has 31. Who marries the five Sisters?

George W & the trolley

You are George W and you are reading The Pet Goat to some schoolchildren when a runaway trolley crashes into three thousand people. How long do you keep reading??

Chuck Norris & the trolley

You are Chuck Norris and you sight a runaway trolley hurtling down a track where it will kill five innocent people. Beside you is a switch which will divert the trolley to another track where it will kill five different innocent people. It is impossible to save everyone. Do you save everyone, or do you beat up all the bad guys first?

Jimmy Carter & the trolley

You are former President Jimmy Carter and a runaway trolley is hurtling down a track where it will kill five people. You could flip a switch to divert the trolley to a track where it will kill only one person. Who is best qualified to open up negotiations with the trolley, you, former President Jimmy Carter, or someone else who doesn’t understand the peace process as well as you, former President Jimmy Carter?

Trolley dilemmas Part 1

The tendency to rely on feelings rather than reason as a moral guide is a particularly depressing facet of human nature. There is the famous moral dilemma of the trolley:

A runaway trolley car is hurtling down a track. In its path are five people who will definitely be killed unless you, a bystander, flip a switch which will divert it on to another track, where it will kill one person. Should you flip the switch?

To which most people answer in the affirmative. There is the fat man variation:

The runaway trolley car is hurtling down a track where it will kill five people. You are standing on a bridge above the track… Next to you, a fat man is standing on the very edge of the bridge. He would certainly block the trolley, although he would undoubtedly die from the impact. A small nudge and he would fall right onto the track below. No one would ever know. Should you push him?

To which most people, including the inventor of the scenario, answer in the negative. The consequences of both proposed actions in the two thought experiments are the same. Either one person dies, or else five do. So repulsive is the feeling of directly causing a death that most people would prefer to let the greater tragedy occur; five preventable deaths passively allowed bother us less than one death actively caused. The element of direct causation, the only thing that distinguishes the latter proposed action from the former, is of course utterly irrelevant to the dead people.

(If you don’t believe most people really do give the wrong answers to these tests, and are often proud of the fact, read some of the reader responses to the BBC News article)

There is a conclusion to be had here.

1. All other factors the same, the deaths of 5 human beings is a greater evil than the death of 1 human being.
2. The above moral dilemma demonstrates that most people if put in such a situation would choose the greater evil.
3. Therefore, most people are evil.

I’m not joking. Not even 50% joking. Maybe 25% joking. The willful irrationality of man truly is depressing. When will we learn to properly distrust our fweewings when our highly developed faculties of reason are up to the task?

The even more depressing thought — faculties of reason in most of us probably are NOT up to the task.

Too depressing, too depressing. I’ll continue this another day. What would make me fweel better now would be the sense of moral accomplishment I could get from pushing a fat man in front of a trolley in order to save some lives (in a way that flipping a switch to save some lives would not). Failing that, chocolate.

Bush lied, ideologies died

Michael J Totten reports:

Iraq is where ideologies go to die. Arab nationalism, Baathism, anti-Americanism, al-Qaidism, Donald Rumsfeldism, and Moqtada al-Sadrism have either died there or are dying. Conventional liberal opinion, more or less correct about the foundering American war effort from 2004 to 2006, has been severely bloodied—along with Iraq’s worst insurgent groups and militias—by General David Petraeus’s leadership of the American troop surge. Even post-9/11 fear of Islam has proven unsustainable for those who regularly interact with ordinary Iraqis.

“Everything dies in Iraq”. “Stench of death overshadows counter-insurgency efforts in Iraq”. “Another month of surge sees the death toll in Iraq continue to rise”.

If you are a journalist wishing to use one of these headlines for an article, contact me and we’ll talk. My fees are very reasonable.