Not happy with the debates

Enough about health care, energy reform, the economy, and issues that affect honest hard-working Americans. With many nations outside America intact and their lands yet uninvaded, I think most of us would agree that it is important to have a president who isn’t afraid to slam his palm on the red button, pull the red trigger, yank forcefully the red lever. I want a president who is capable of laughing with maniacal glee, and who uses the phrase “into the stone age” frequently. I want to see more attention given to assessing a candidate’s bombliness (not to be confused with bombability).

Moderators of debates need to quit asking the softball questions and instead put forth ones like these:

- There are many kinds of bombs out there, smart bombs, dumb bombs, H-bombs, A-bombs, F-bombs. Which is your favorite? (a smart candidate will like smart bombs)

- I’m going to list some countries. Please arrange them in the order in which you would favor seeing them turned into glass. Iran. Iraq. Pakistan. Mexico. Canada. France.

- Which of the following persons best exemplifies your ideals as a commander-in-chief? A. George Washington B. Abraham Lincoln C. Enola Gay

(Extra credit on any of the questions if the candidate works into his answer the phrase “into the stone age”)

Another thing that might be useful, or at least fun to watch, would be to set up the debate so that there is a lever built into the podium of each candidate which he is free to operate. When pulled it releases a mechanism that drops onto the other candidates…well, maybe not REAL bombs, but something unpleasant. Dishwater. Cow dung. Half-dead spiders. Something like that. The candidate looking the cleanest at the end of the night is probably our guy.