Entries from December 2007
It’s time for Hollywood to get jealous that an ordinary doof like myself came up with these and doesn’t intend to share them, at least not for free:
The Santa Connection
Comedy. A secret agent must disguise himself as Santa and win over the kids in a suburban home in order to diffuse a bomb and foil terrorists. A typical gag will be how he tries to keep the kids from hurting themselves with laser-emitting candy cane gadgets they playfully pull from his bag. Robin Williams will be the secret agent.
Jesus Project X
Action. Having unraveled the science behind the miracles performed by Jesus, scientists develop a device that can heal blindness, deafness, and leprosy. But a certain dark organization calling themselves ‘The Pharisees” steals the device and kidnaps the chief scientist. It’s up to a single retired law enforcement officer to solve the mystery. Not sure yet who I want to star in this, but I think I want him to be black.
It Happened Beneath the Mistletoe
Romance. It will star Sandra Bullock and it will last a full two hours, which will be two hours longer than most male viewers will like. Since they’ll all be coerced into watching with their girlfriends I’m not worried in the slightest that profits might not outstrip production costs.
The Wreath
Horror. Teenagers pass around a Christmas music box with a curse–anyone who listens to the music box will die in exactly 12 days of Christmas.
Disney’s The Last Reindeer
Animation. It will totally suck compared to Bambi (and that’s compared to Bambi!), but nobody can remember Bambi so I’m sure it will do just fine.
While Shepherds Watch
A crime murder drama thing or something. Haven’t worked out more than that but I’m sure it will be a box office smash if I can just get the right cast.
The Nutcracker
No idea what happens in this one, but I want Eddie Murphy to star in it.
Well that should be enough to get Hollywood lapping at my tail. They may beg me, bribe me, intimidate me, conspire not to nominate me for Oscars, but I won’t let them have these gems. NEVER! Ohohohoho!
Categories: arts and entertainment
Telegraph.co.uk:
The Archbishop of Canterbury said yesterday that the Christmas story of the Three Wise Men was nothing but a ‘legend’.
Dr Rowan Williams has claimed there was little evidence that the Magi even existed and there was certainly nothing to prove there were three of them or that they were kings.
He said the only reference to the wise men from the East was in Matthew’s gospel and the details were very vague.
The Archbishop went on to dispel other details of the Christmas story, adding that there were probably no asses or oxen in the stable.
He argued that Christmas cards which showed the Virgin Mary cradling the baby Jesus, flanked by shepherds and wise men, were misleading. As for the scenes that depicted snow falling in Bethlehem, the Archbishop said the chance of this was “very unlikely”.
First they tell me that Santa Claus isn’t real and now this? What am I gonna hear next? That Rudolph the Reindeer was ‘nothing but a legend’? That there is ‘nothing to prove’ that Jesus was born Bethlehem? That there is ‘little evidence’ of a star appearing in the sky uniquely on that day? That the details about choirs of angels singing praises to God on high were ‘very vague’? That such as thing as a virgin birth is ‘very unlikely’?
My friends, as the world becomes more secular and liberal and evil and rational you will hear all these things and more. I urge you to guard yourself against terrible men like this Archbishop of Canterbury preaching seductive non-fundamentalist doctrines like these.
Categories: history
Right here. “Join now and get instant access to 500,000 pics of hand written love letters.”
Categories: miscellaneous
We all know Godwin’s First Law:
As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.
According to Wikipedia, Godwin introduced the above as a memetic experiment. I’m wondering if the same could be done with his Second Law:
As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a rant involving Bush or his administration approaches one.
A friend and I may have come up with it, but we’d be glad to attribute it to Godwin if it would speed up memetic acceleration. I’m a half a mind to write up a Wikipedia entry on it now in order to get it going. What do you think?
Categories: Iraq · logic & debate · miscellaneous · politics
I think that if I had to sum up in one picture why Japan rules the macrocosmos I’d do it with this one (click for full-size):
Although it probably wouldn’t be too difficult to photoshop that tree into a Katana and the orange vehicle in the background into some kind of Mech, which would make my argument that much stronger.
Categories: Japan · kawaii
Via CBS News:
Expect cheers among hardcore online game enthusiasts when they learn Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year. Or, more accurately, expect them to “w00t.”
“W00t,” a hybrid of letters and numbers used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness, topped all other terms in the Springfield dictionary publisher’s online poll for the word that best sums up 2007.
I suppose this means that the most notable event of 2007 is that a lot of guilds won a lot of gold killing orcs.
Via BBC News:
Greenpeace has called on gamers to persuade Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo to make their consoles greener.
According to the environmental campaign group, game console makers have so far “failed to reduce the toxic burden of their products”.
As part of its campaign, Greenpeace has launched a 90-second video featuring some of the iconic games console characters – Microsoft’s Master Chief, Nintendo’s Mario and Sony’s Kratos – competing for the prize of a greener games console.
Now Kratos — there’s a fellow who really cares about the environment.
Whether or not you missed the unveiling of the Polystation 3, enjoy a YouTube tour of exciting Chinese products with exciting Chinese names.
Categories: China · environment · gaming
Remember the “Gay Bomb” project? This study reported at LiveScience suggests to the inventive mind that it might have merit yet!
While several studies find homosexuality in humans and other animals is biological rather than learned, a question remains over whether it’s a hard-wired phenomenon or one that can be altered.
A new study finds drugs or genetic manipulation can turn the homosexual behavior of fruit flies on and off within a matter of hours.
…
Post-doctoral researcher Yael Grosjean found that all male fruit flies with a mutation in their GB gene courted other males.
“It was very dramatic,” Featherstone said. “The GB mutant males treated other males exactly the same way normal male flies would treat a female. They even attempted copulation.”
THAT is what I want to see happening in every al Qaeda tent, and I want each such event videotaped and distributed across Al Jazeera if at all possible. Let us hope that the War On Terror™ lasts long enough for us to witness the day when the technology exists to detonate megatons of Gay Bomb on our enemies at will.
Categories: human behavior · science and pseudoscience · war & strategy
Scientific research has revealed that divorce is harmful to the environment (in more than one way):
“A married household actually uses resources more efficiently than a divorced household,” said Jianguo Liu, an ecologist at Michigan State University whose analysis of the environmental impact of divorce appears in this week’s online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
More households means more use of land, water and energy, three critical resources, Liu explained in a telephone interview.
What can we do about this? The first step is to recognize the problem.
“People have been talking about how to protect the environment and combat climate change, but divorce is an overlooked factor that needs to be considered,” Liu said.
How about assembling an international panel to draft a protocol to regulate divorce rates in each country? Of course we’ll go easy on less-developed countries that may just be getting around to discovering how annoying it can be to live with the same spouse for over a year.
By the way, gay marriage is good for the environment!
Categories: arts and entertainment · environment · social issues
